With the film adaptation of Susanna Collins’s prequel novel, The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, hitting the big screen, the franchise's popularity has soared in status once again. This has made me wonder: how would all of the lovely folks here at The Lamron fare in a battle to the death relying on wits and pure physicality? 

Michele the Library Dog has been a beloved member of the SUNY Geneseo campus for several years. Every Thursday morning, Michele is surrounded by students in need of a distraction from their hectic schedules and coursework. We got a chance to sit and interview Michele, who had a lot to say about the students who see her monthly on Thursdays in the Fraser Library.

It has long been an urban legend that if you graduate from SUNY Geneseo while still a virgin, the Emmeline Wadsworth Memorial Fountain, known as the iconic “bear fountain,” on Main Street between Center and Bank Streets will come to life and maul you to death.

Breen? Breen. A Breen-ius, one might say. A filmmaker to surpass Bergman, Kurosawa, Ozu, and Frake-Waterfield. 

It was recently announced that Guy Fieri would be stepping down as the mayor of Flavortown after his eighteen-year run in the public eye. Fieri won Food Network’s “Next Food Network Star” in 2006 and has starred in multiple long-lasting cooking shows ever since. Townies and casuals alike are left wondering who, exactly, could ever take this legend’s place. In the modern age, it is hard to come by a man with frosted tips so frosty and shirts so “dad-at-a-Creed-concert” anymore—he really is the face of an integral early 2000s aesthetic long left to rot. 

As a nineteen-year-old teenage girl who likes sports in the 21st century, I have been gifted one of the best gifts of all: TikTok. Of course, I like watching sports—I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t—but there is just something so mmm about a man in uniform, a sports uniform that is, most specifically in the National Hockey League (NHL). Us girls on TikTok will spend hours raking through interviews and game films to provide a select audience with hot men. Through my hours of research, I have become a pro and am fully authorized to rank the top three most attractive players in the league, and the three least attractive players in the league.

Over the past couple of weeks, there has been talk of yet another new club here on campus, and I am here to report that this may be true. A little birdie on campus has been tweeting about a club called “The Gaslighters Gathering.” This club has been making waves around campus, but little information can be found on it. So, I made it my personal mission to interview some of its new members. This proved to be a more difficult task than anticipated. 

Per Lamron alum Mia Donaldson, “Greetings readers! For this edition of The normaL, I’m readily taking the opportunity to be as vicious as possible and rank my fellow e-board members (using their government names) based on completely baseless, yet entirely true, criteria.”

Hulk Hogan is widely known for his cornball antics of being a patriotic, wrastlin’ lovin’ “real American,” and his iconic “YEAH BROTHER” slogan. If you were to ask any avid wrestling fan who their favorite wrestler of all time was, however, it would never be Hulk Hogan. Hogan is a controversial figure inside and outside of the wrestling world for many reasons, and he is not the person I would look up to. I mean if I look at him for too long, I start to feel physically ill. I’m feeling sick just thinking about it. Alright, let’s get this over with.