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Emily Post may have written her book on etiquette a while back, but her notes about respect, kindness, and honesty do still ring true to this day.
“Manners maketh man.” This proverb, according to Oxford Reference, comes from the Bishop of Winchester and Chancellor of England in the fourteenth century, William of Wykeham. It means that a person’s worth is defined by their manner and respect for their fellow man. Nowadays we see the word manners and immediately think of stuck up and pompous people who have nothing better to do than look down on people by judging their table manners, like not using the right fork or putting your elbows on the table.
Table manners are part of what I am going to be talking about, but they are not my overarching theme and goal in this article; that is etiquette. Emily Post, American Author, Socialite, and the subject of this article defines etiquette on page seven of her revised book Emily Post’s Etiquette, The Centennial Edition as “treating everyone we encounter well.” These niceties could be very simple things like saying bless you when someone sneezes, holding the door open for someone who has their hands full, or just saying thank you.
The essence of etiquette according to Post is based on the foundation of consideration, respect, and honesty. We start with consideration, which is the understanding and thinking about others and what they might be going through before acting. The person you are interacting with might have had a very bad day, ranging from scoring terribly on an important test to losing a deeply loved person in their life. Remembering that increases awareness and emotional intelligence, allowing us to sympathize with that person without making judgements and assumptions about them.
Respect is second on the list; showing respect to people honors them in a way that positively impacts them in their day-to-day life. Respecting everyone equally even without knowing them allows us to more easily form relationships with people and get that respect in return. Respect people just for existing and not for special qualities that they have.
The third and final foundation of etiquette is honesty, which is the backbone of any polite and respectful conversation. If you are not honest and are caught lying, the other person will automatically believe that they cannot trust you and will not treat you with any respect or consideration as a person.
Of course, none of these foundations can be implemented without a certain amount of charm. Adding a level of exuberance and extroversion adds to the other foundations with tact, warmth, humor, and kindness. This level of sincerity will add to any interaction with someone else, making it more comfortable and smooth.
According to Emily Post’s Etiquette, The Centennial Edition, this level of etiquette can be pretty much simplified into a single equation, which is seen on page eight: Etiquette equals Manners plus Principles. What this equation means is that to achieve proper etiquette, you not only need to have proper manners (such as not eating with your mouth open, cutting food into bitesized chunks, sneezing into your elbow, washing your hands, etc.) but also need the aforementioned principles like respect and consideration.
Post also describes the importance of tradition to the human condition. She argues that we all must respect each other’s traditions even if we disagree with them on a fundamental level; we must be able to maintain a respectful tone with people and keep them in our good graces. If you struggle to see why you should respect some traditions, try looking into why the tradition is there in the first place rather than just writing it off immediately.
This entire article does raise the question: how are we to react if someone disrespects us? Some steps to deal with this include listening to that voice in your head that is saying you must always treat them with respect, kindness, and be the bigger person in that situation. Just the repetition of those three things will help in an interaction like that. When you encounter someone who is ignorant of their rudeness, do not come from a place of judgment, come from a place of spreading awareness about their actions and tell them to back off. Post preaches the Golden Rule in its entirety and focuses on the introspection aspect of it.
Emily Post teaches us the beginnings of having proper etiquette in order to make ourselves happier by making other people happy; she shows us how to cultivate deep relationships with other people based on respect, consideration, and honesty.