Don’t stay in a relationship of convenience

Photo courtesy RDNE stock project/Pexels

Some of these couples need to break up

I know that the timing of this article feels inconvenient, given that, if you are reading this the day it was issued, tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. I am truly sorry, but I have seen and heard far too much, and I cannot hold back any longer. Some of you are in relationships that need to see their end immediately—in fact, they should have been over a long time ago. Let me elaborate. 

There will always, inevitably, be arguments in a relationship; that is unavoidable, and if you have avoided it completely thus far, you might want to reexamine your relationship. I think that couples who never argue are simply couples where one, or both, of them is not voicing how they feel. Nonetheless, the point remains—all couples argue occasionally. That is not the end of the world, or of your relationship; those couples are not who I am referring to when I recommend breaking up. 

Have you ever spoken to someone in a relationship, and you get the sense that they do not really like their partner at all? They are not even referencing a specific argument—there is no long-winded, impassioned rant to be heard. Instead, they might express a subtle complaint here and there. They might speak of their partner with careful neutrality. The person barely comes up in conversation, and when they do, it is never with the joy you would expect out of someone in love. These are the people I am now addressing; these are the people to whom I say: wake up and break up. 

I am convinced that many people in those relationships—and in relationships in general—are operating under a series of incorrect or misguided assumptions which lead them to push off breaking up into a distant and elusive future. Either that, or they are, quite honestly, a bit lazy. 

The first of these assumptions is that, if the current relationship ends, no other relationship will be forthcoming. This mindset leads people to act as though the relationship they are currently in is their one shot at love and happiness; they cling to it, largely because they believe it is the only option they have. I admit that I can make no guarantees about each individual person’s relationship future, however, I highly doubt the relationship you have at 19 is the last possible chance for you. Furthermore, do you want to stay in a relationship you barely care about, just for the sake of being in one? I would hate to be either person in that case; for the sake of your collective happiness and wellbeing, do not waste each other’s time.

Another part of this reluctance to break up appears to stem from the belief that “everything is workoutable,” and the mindset that breaking up is, in essence, giving up. Honestly, if you are that determined, feel free to try. It seems to me, however, that if one or both partners are already not invested in the relationship—if they are lukewarm at best about being in it—there is no point in putting in the effort to “fix” it. 

I think this is particularly true at our age, when there is generally no pressure to settle down quite yet. Many of my peers—at 19, 20 years old—have been in relationships since high school, and have never dated anyone other than their current partner. Some of them seem healthy and fulfilling, while others seem trapped in something that no longer fits them and who they have become. 

This brings me to my final point: some of you have not left your current relationships because you think it would be too much work to find another person, to learn about them, and to develop the foundations of something new. You are right in that it would require effort, but I think you are forgetting—or not appreciating—how fun it can be to experience that process. Do not let your lazy comfortability prevent you from finding happiness and love outside of what you have now, and finding yourself and who you are separate from your relationship.