The irony of loneliness
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Everyone feels lonely sometimes. After long days of socialization and small talk, you would think that those lingering feelings of isolation would vanish. However, the more I speak to my peers about this subject, it becomes increasingly clear that people feel incredibly alone.
In psychology, loneliness is described as discomfort caused by the difference in one's desired and actual social connections. It is much more common for people to feel the sensation of loneliness than for them to actually be alone. Why does this occur? Well, to feel fulfilled, human beings need a connection that goes beyond chitchat. There is an intimacy in having another person understand your soul that simply existing in the proximity of someone cannot satisfy.
In college, everyone is lonely. Those people you see walking with a large group of friends still crave the feeling of true understanding that everyone is looking for. Most people are separated from the friends and family they have known their entire lives. In this shift, they are searching for meaningful bonds in people they have barely known for a year. It is a jarring experience to re-establish your entire social circle, which causes tension in the minds of many. Some might feel as though they are unloveable, and some might feel as though they are unable to love others in ways they have before.
What can we do about this? Why do we feel as though we must fix our loneliness alone? The first step in fixing this problem is to stop focusing on your own loneliness. The reason it is so hard to connect with others is because people are in their own heads rather than trying to understand the minds of others. When you take a step back from wondering why everyone around you seems less alone than you feel, you will realize how many hearts are silently yearning for the same human connection.
Do not hesitate to reach outside of your comfort zone. It is more comfortable to self-isolate out of fear of change than it is to make a change. But, in the end, this temporary stage of putting yourself out there will be worth it. A lot of people go a lot deeper than they reveal in public.
To strike up a conversation with someone, to not be afraid to learn another soul, is all that we need to end widespread loneliness. As humans, we have much more in common than we have in contrast. For every secret you are hiding in hopes of making yourself more agreeable, there is a person out there who shares that same secret, feeling that no one understands. In the rare occurrences that people can get over their fear of being perceived, the most beautiful and deep connections are formed out of insecurity. You can’t help feeling alone, but you can use it to form connections instead of driving yourself further into isolation. As Rupi Kaur writes, “The irony of loneliness is that we all feel it at the same time.”