Idiot’s guide to the apocalypse: Four horsemen - Pestilence

Here we are again—one of the four horsemen has come to Earth and their only goal is to eradicate humanity in their own special way. These rules are for Pestilence—and, I mean, we got through COVID, so this might not be too unfamiliar.

  1. Wear a mask. Yes, these things are back again, and it is going to be the difference between you coughing and hacking up a lung, or you are being perfectly fine after Encountering one of many illnesses Pestilence might force to spread to people as well as animals can be deadly at best and apocalyptic at worst.

  2. Stay by yourself. This Horsemen’s reign is the worst to come into contact with anyone, as you are making it likely to create a chain effect through meeting people. Since Famine has already hit, Pestilence is ready to mess up your weakened immune system.

  3. Dwight Schrute’s method will get you killed faster than anything—in The Office, season seven episode seven, “Christening,” Schrute says “the worst thing you can do for your immune system is coddle it—they need to fight their own battles.” This method will get you killed, so for once, don’t listen to the advice of a TV show. Pestilence can drill up nasty diseases and he will do it readily through less than six feet of contact.

  4. Pestilence is the brother that has the surest death sentence as humans struggle to combat their own bodies. Even War has a lower death count than all illnesses. So, where Pestilence is, Death is not too far behind.

  5. This is one of two brothers not to make mad whether by attempting to kill him or just be remotely annoying. The thing about Pestilence is he does not always want a quick death like Famine; however, he can prolong a serious, painful illness and make you suffer until he is done playing.

  6. Do NOT trust the “sniffles.” We have all encountered sniffling people in our everyday college classes and it seems to create a chorus every day. The sniffles eventually catch up to everyone, and this is no different.

  7. Find something to use for amusement, because this is going to be a long journey that will take forever to let up. Find entertainment in books, among games that can be played by yourself, or even exercise or naps that you could never take prior to the apocalypse.

  8. Don’t trust the government. It is highly likely that few will remain in power and the few that do have a higher chance of corruption and would willingly exchange your life for theirs given the chance.

  9. If you can, find an animal companion. It is going to be a long time without other humans, so you might as well give some time and effort to taking care of an animal (if you have enough supplies).

  10. Switch to solar power. If the world is going dark from losing so many people, then solar power might just be the difference between life and death with Upstate New York winters. But hey, if you are a doomsday prepper, you are probably already prepared.

So far, we have encountered three out of the brothers of the apocalypse. Gear up for the last and most chaotic—War.

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