Geneseo Squirrels are taking over construction at SUNY Geneseo
Photo courtesy of knight’s life editor Daisy Sheldon
The normaL has received word that a new construction company, Geneseo Squirrels, is going to be taking over various construction projects across SUNY Geneseo’s campus. The news comes in the face of backlash making splashy headlines on YipYap: students are displeased with current construction disrupting their lives. This writer for The normaL had the opportunity to discuss it with the Construction Superintendent Squirrel, Mr. Nuts, through a squirrel-to-English translation machine, and attend the contract signing.
The way Mr. Nuts sees it, the “current construction crew is amazing,” but they are humans and a part of a hired third party. Geneseo Squirrels, on the other hand, is comprised of squirrels that have inhabited SUNY Geneseo’s campus for generations, and thus, Mr. Nuts believes that his company has the ability to take construction on campus above and beyond.
Melinda Treading-Well agreed to Mr. Nuts’s ideas for the campus, despite his claim that “the scope of the project is beyond the human imagination.” Nevertheless, the contract is a ground-breaking document between humans and rodents—unlike the disastrous agreement between SUNY Geneseo Residence Life and the squirrels’ smaller cousin: the mice.
One of Mr. Nuts’s ideas included in the newly signed contract are brand-new moving walkways to ease the effort of walking (or bounding in Mr. Nuts’s case) up cardio hill. Mr. Nuts also intends to speed up the construction of Sturges Hall, turn main sidewalks into covered walkways to protect students from poor weather, and install a sensory garden with a water feature at the center of the College Green.
In return for Mr. Nuts and his employees taking over construction, Treading-Well has agreed to a few stipulations. Geneseo Squirrels will perform their construction duties for free, with their compensation stipulated by the following clauses in the contract: legal documentation that trees on campus will be preserved and planted when one dies or is removed, small huts with built-in insulation to house the squirrel population, a free meal plan during summer months, and a dedicated and protected area for squirrel recreational activities (including a miniature jungle gym).
In The normaL’s interview with Mr. Nuts, he noted, “I’m excited to see not only the fruits of our [Geneseo Squirrels] efforts, but also what we will gain in return. My grandmother and great-grandmother, and great-great grandmother and so on lived here. I hope to continue their legacy and improve it for my own children. I hope that this contract will be the start of a mutually beneficial relationship, and that the squirrels of Geneseo will finally have a legal right to call this campus home.”
This writer for The normaL could not agree more. Since the founding of SUNY Geneseo, generations of squirrels have chosen this campus as home, and it is only fair they receive the recognition they deserve. While the squirrels’ contributions to campus will soon take a concrete form—literally, there is definitely going to be some cement poured—their contributions have been felt in many ways. YipYap is one place where their contributions are evident, with many “yaps” including photos of squirrel sightings, bringing joy to a community of students. However, some students are outliers to this shared camaraderie, posting pictures of overweight squirrels on YipYap and labeling them “fat.”
The contention over the place squirrels hold on campus is clear, but a signed contract that solidifies squirrels’ role on campus should bring the human and rodent communities together as they begin to operate side-by-side. As Mr. Nuts says, the squirrels “only have students’ best interests at heart” after all.