Open up to BirchBox

To make myself feel more pampered and rid myself of my inconsistent femininity, I subscribed to BirchBox. It’s a service that delivers samples of higher-end beauty products each month like perfume, nail polish and scrunchies in hopes that subscribers will turn around and buy the actual products. I was pleasantly surprised with my first box which came last week. Opening the cerulean tissue paper-lined package was the best part. I felt like a mom-to-be at her shower, unpacking each perfectly stacked item from the six-by-four inch box in which I found eyeliner, nail polish, hand lotion, perfume and a granola bar that they suggest I use “as a quick snack en route to or from the gym!” I drunkenly ate it on a Friday night.

The “Gold Struck” nail polish made by Color Club is metallic enough, but has a consistency and strength of interior house paint. For those who struggle to color between the lines, this is dangerous. Nevertheless, my nails looked hot this weekend, and it’s a color I wouldn’t ordinarily buy.

And that’s the fun of BirchBox: I now own things that I would never have purchased, but can still use. Take Atelier Cologne’s Orange Sanguine scent that sells for $170 per 200 mL bottle. It’s a deliciously sexy smell, but something I would only douse myself in occasionally. Now that I have two samples, I have the option to use this perfume a few times. If I like it enough, I’ll ask my mom to buy it for me.

I received a sample of BeeKind lotion – something I already own. No worries though; I support the brand and its sustainability efforts. What I could have gone without was the black eyeliner: I rarely wear eyeliner and when I do, I tend to go for the more natural hues to match my complexion. Luckily my qualms can be fixed over time, as I can go onto BirchBox’s website and tell them which products I liked and didn’t like – eventually improving my box experience.

BirchBox as a company tries to personalize your experience. I appreciate the effort, but I could honestly do without Rainy Day Tip #84: Repurpose your old BirchBoxes! It’s cute but unnecessary, and honestly the last thing I need to be doing on a rainy day. That kind of personalization is like reading American Girl: You’re always asking, “Who the hell would ever actually do these do-it-yourself things?”

But those individuals do exist, and that’s why BirchBox does it.

Honestly, I don’t know why I subscribed to this. I still wear lip gloss that I bought in 2008 and I have eight unopened tubes of mascara that Santa puts in my stocking literally every year. I never got on the beauty product train, so I guess BirchBox was an easy way of pretending to do so.