The Ozone

Between Jan. 23 and Jan. 24 the Geneseo Alumni Pool mysteriously closed due to what the administration claimed to be a “filtration error.” It is now apparent that the “error” was a visitor whom the Geneseo faculty and staff have never seen before in the swim team’s murky waters.  

“I was the one who found it,” lifeguard junior Jamie Lapper said. “I was on the morning crew because softball had to come in for an early practice. I’m just glad I spotted it before the team got in the water.”

“I couldn’t believe my eyes,” said senior Jessica Finch. “One of the freshmen actually fainted when she saw it.”

A Geneseo administrative source, who wishes to remain anonymous, said that “the school hoped to keep the news under wraps until a decision had been reached on how to handle the situation.”

Biology professor Jay McMan said that the creature found living at the bottom of the pool is a species he has never been seen before. 

“The creature looks almost like a cross between a sea slug and an anemone … but bigger,” McMan said. “I’ve never seen anything like it!”

 “But seriously, how long has it been down there? I mean, it’s cool looking and all, but I’m getting freaked out thinking I’ve been swimming with it for who knows how many days,” Lapper said.

“And what does it eat? I’m guessing not humans since there would be evidence,” Lapper continued. “Wait, none of the freshmen have gone missing, right?”

The biology department, working in collaboration with state animal services, reported that the dubbed “sea slug-onie” seems to enjoy snacking on silt and waterlogged dirt, much like what could be found at the bottom of a public pool. 

Student and faculty researchers agree that the creature was aiding the old filtration system of the pool by consuming the debris that sank to the bottom. 

After its initial finding, the “sea slug-onie” was transported to an undisclosed location where a habitat perhaps more suited for the animal than the pool had been prepared. 

“This type of find could really put Geneseo on the international map. Aside from obvious questions – like how did the creature get into the building in the first place? – other questions concerning if this is a new species could make Geneseo famous,” McMan said,

“I just hope the little guy is OK,” sophomore Jeremy Rone said. “It’s like we have our own version of the Loch Ness Monster. The Geneseo Pool Creature? Or maybe the SUNY Slug.” 

Whatever the name may be, the “sea slug-onie” has certainly made a splash on campus. Student organizations are petitioning for the creature to become the new school mascot.

McMan said he agrees with this idea.

“The sea slug-onie is certainly unique,” he said. “Geneseo would definitely stand out from other SUNY schools with it as our mascot, representing discovery, evolution and pool cleanliness.”