Incidental Amusements

Let’s talk about fights, particularly about how we all want to see them happen. I’m not referring to arguments over legitimate issues or conflicts involving elevated voices or offensive language; I mean a good, old-fashioned physical altercation leading to injuries.

Some students may consider themselves above getting into brawls, simply not giving themselves the option to fight. Students always take interest in physical fights, though. I would challenge people to honestly say that they have never had the urge to box a classmate’s ear in for being too pretentious in class.

I can’t think of anyone between the ages of 18 and 22 that doesn’t notice someone taking an elbow to the face. It’s like a train wreck: You know it’s awful, but you just can’t look away.

Here’s a secret: The reason I go to any hockey game is so I can see the players fight. Don’t pretend it isn’t one of your main motivations for going either, or at least acknowledge it as a nice bonus.

As students of Geneseo and representatives of an upstanding collegiate tradition, we tend to pretend that we take no interest in seeing the bloodshed of others. We are bound by society to prefer looking presentable, fair-minded and mature. Our leaders preach that violence isn’t the answer and we should value the ability to keep cool under heated circumstances.

We have all seen violent movies and have become desensitized to violence. This has gone on so long that we actually want to see a fight happen.

Nobody knows what to expect in a fight without a movie’s background soundtrack, and we secretly hope that someone – maybe inside of an ice rink or outside of a bar – gets a few bruises or loses some teeth.

I propose we begin a Geneseo fight club, a place for students, faculty and town members alike to gather once a week to beat the snot out of each other with no repercussions.

We are all stressed, tired, anxious and ready for some sort of outlet other than parties. So why not indulge that secret we all keep buried deep down? Why not gather everyone for a no-rules, no-consequences, all-out brawl session at the Kuhl Gym every Wednesday at 7 p.m.?

In fact, we could charge people money to come and watch and then give the proceeds to a charity of our choice. This is a proposal that could diminish student anxiety, indulge a secret urge we all share and raise funds for a good cause. Biology majors could even volunteer to practice assessing injuries; they could put it on their resumes.

As far as I am concerned, nothing can go wrong – and a Geneseo fight club is exactly what this campus needs. It’s a win-win for everyone.

To the next person who gives me attitude, I’ll see you on Wednesday.