The Ozone

In response to continuous irrational behavior from Geneseo students on the weekends, various stores on Main St. met Thursday Oct. 11 to discuss how best to handle the situation. After years of erratic students, every food shop mutually agreed to close their doors at 11 p.m. on Friday and Saturday nights.

Prior to this decision it was standard practice for these food venues to stay open until 3 a.m. on the weekends in order to accommodate the large population of late night wanderers. This new policy went into effect on Friday Oct. 12.

“Honestly, it’s been a growing problem for years,” said Saul Tee, general manager of the local pizzeria. “Every weekend, we’d get swarmed with intoxicated students that lost their ability to think and behave rationally. We simply no longer have the manpower or the patience to keep up. Mostly the patience.”

Owner of the burger joint on Main Street Frank Redhot also claimed to be fed uap with the college students. “I could have been home getting a good night’s sleep with my wife and then doing afternoon activities with my kids. Instead, I had to stay in my store past 3 a.m. getting yelled at by history majors.”

While weekend employees seemed content with the decision, students were less than thrilled.

Junior January February expressed her outrage when she attempted to open the door of the popular pizza place off-campus. She was witnessed screaming “What is this? I need food now! Somebody help me break down this door!”

Junior April May, a friend of February, said “January and other students have grown dependent on the consistent availability of greasy food. Take that away and people start losing it.” May also added that while she had remained sober throughout the night, February was intoxicated before seeking out sustenance.

Some students had a more violent reaction to the news. Upon learning that all of the food venues on Main St. were closed, many students either flocked to Wegmans or began running down the streets screaming and attempting to flip cars.

“It got really ugly, really fast,” said Miranda Wright, spokeswoman for the local police. “All of Main St. became filled with students begging residents for food and angrily screaming every expletive in the book.”

The riots began at approximately 1 a.m. Saturday morning as the initial wave of students left the nearby bars.

After The Inn Between Tavern closed at 2 a.m., the mob became uncontrollable. “We briefly considered using tear gas, but almost everyone was already hysterically crying and rolling on the ground, so we didn’t really see the point,” Wright said.

Several students resorted to eating feral cats found on the streets of Geneseo. Freshman Annabelle Lector openly admitted to devouring an estimated 15 cats that night.

“I was just so hungry,” Lector said. “Normally I stuff my face with inordinate amounts of pizza to help cope with my ever-growing school work. When I couldn’t get my hands on any real food, I resorted to the next logical thing.” Lector added, “After the first cat I kept going because it sort-of tasted like dinner at Red Jacket.”

Main St. store owners, the police and the dean of students, Sharon Versa, are planning a meeting to come up with a compromise that better suits everyone’s needs.

“The loss of life this past weekend is simply unacceptable,” said Versa.