Incidental Amusements

As the “Incidental Amusements” is an open-ended column, I could use this space to write about a wide variety of topics. I could share my opinions on Campus Auxiliary Services, tell stories about weird things that happen to my friends and I or discuss the weather – it’s all been done before. A few hundred words are all I need to craft an engaging rant.

This week, however, I will address something that can affect all of us and potentially our loved ones back home, so pay close attention.

To students with a cold, fever or sore throat, or who just don’t feel well – the aftereffects of too much alcohol excluded – please just stay home for the day.

In all honesty, I’m writing this because I get sick easily, and I really don’t need another reason to stay in bed; however, the point is still the same. I don’t want to spend another day drinking so much orange juice that I’m afraid I might turn orange like Arnold did in that episode of “The Magic School Bus” during which he ate too many Seaweedies.

As we all know, we’re interacting on a college campus. This place is already an ideal habitat for anything contagious due to the high number of people who sit relatively close to one another for several hours a day, five days a week. This is true especially of these next few weeks, as early October is essentially an unofficial sickness holiday.

The only environment better suited for spreading a plague is a nudist colony. You wouldn’t want to be the one to bring the flu to the beach, right? Not with our social dress standards, you wouldn’t.

If you think you’re catching something, or clearly already caught it, don’t introduce it into our already high-risk environment. Stay in your dorm or apartment until you’re healthy. You can even listen to Nicki Minaj to help speed your recovery.

As for those worried about how missing classes might hurt their grades, well, that’s definitely on a case-by-case basis. I can’t claim to know every professor’s attendance policy, but I hope most would recognize that sick people shouldn’t be flinging germs wildly at their peers.

I’m certainly not endorsing missing a giant test or failing to turn in an important assignment. No one is stopping you from trying to work something out with your professor, though. If you do end up staying home, you can use that time to work on your future assignments and readings; be that overachieving Geneseo student you’ve always dreamed of being.

On the off chance that you simply must make a public appearance while green stuff is pouring out of you, at least be courteous enough to let people know you’re sick and to take precautions.

If you need to hold something a healthy person will touch, use a clean tissue. Avoid touching your mouth or nose unless you’re using a tissue to do whatever you need to do. Essentially, when you have a health issue, use a tissue.

Hopefully, if sick people remain conscious of how their germs affect those around them, we can make this flu and strep throat season a short one.