Incidental Amusements

When considering the ways in which student life at Geneseo could improve, it’s easy to filter out the obvious problems in search of the bigger issues at hand. I’m not talking about registration or either of the humanities classes. This isn’t even about the dining hall food situation. No, the true culprit plaguing our dreams of a 4.0 GPA is trash television.

All students seem to have their own list of shows they never miss. For many it’s either “Jersey Shore” or one of the many series within “The Real Housewives” franchise that keeps them up at night. Some pass over current television in favor of older series on Netflix.

They say the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Well, here goes: I am addicted to TLC’s “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” and Lifetime’s “Dance Moms.”

I know, I know. Neither of these shows have DJ Pauly D or Teresa Giudice tearing up the orange-skinned New Jersey scene. Nor do I have any interest in pursuing a career or parenting style that involves forcing my children to dance or walk the pageant circuit. But when Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson’s stomach speaks to the audience, I cannot help but stay tuned.

What’s really unfortunate is that these shows aren’t mainstream enough for me to get away with discussing them in the open. Were my guilty pleasure “Adventure Time” on Cartoon Network, I could spend hours chatting about the latest adventure in Starbucks and no one would give a second glance. Instead I am restricted to the confines of my dorm room for exclaiming how crazy Ann Lee of “Dance Moms” is.

Next, I have to acknowledge how this addiction to June Shannon – the “Coupon Queen” and mother of “Honey Boo Boo” – is hurting me. It’s pretty simple: These two shows alone cost me four hours a week that I could spend reading or sleeping.

I suppose I can also add my avoidance of legitimate educational television to that list too. As an anthropology enthusiast, I do enjoy the occasional episode of “Taboo” on National Geographic, but given the choice between learning more about the world’s cultures and finding out what’s happening in Pittsburgh, Pa.’s best dance studio, I’d grab the latter and never let go.

The final step is to reduce exposure to my addiction until I’m finally weaned off of it for good. I think I can handle that, considering all of my demanding responsibilities for this semester. I won’t have time for Lauryn “Pumpkin” Shannon’s sass when I’m busy writing essays and applying to graduate schools.

Speaking of “Pumpkin,” is anyone else as anxious for the Rock Star Divas & Dolls pageant as I am? What if Anna “Chickadee” Shannon gives birth during the event? Oh man, that would be so crazy!