A college campus is a melting pot of people, activities and cultures, and on any given day a variety of clubs, organizations and individuals are extremely visible.
One of these conspicuous facets of college life is the ever so vomit-inducing couple in love. Before I am dismissed as a bitter cynic, however, I want to say that I have no problems with love itself. Those who find love here, or anywhere for that matter, are truly lucky.
My problem originates from the couples that seem to have giant magnets continuously connecting them together. They are all around us, and I am sure you have been inconvenienced by their nauseating public displays of affection. Whether it is making out while leaning on your mailbox, a soda machine, or, my personal favorite, blocking the entrances to academic buildings, they're everywhere - including holding hands and taking up an entire pathway while walking at a pace exhibited only by snails and some very hungover students.
I cannot fathom the reasoning behind a 10-minute embrace when separating to attend a class; it's as if they will never see each other again. A short time later, this couple can be seen greeting each other as if it had been years since they last touched.
Of course everyone is different when they enter a relationship. Some couples enjoy being all over each other in public, while others prefer a dorm room. For those who pick the public route, I simply ask you to avoid high traffic areas, and step aside when shoving your tongues down each other's throats.
Recently, I've witnessed an interesting trend in coupledom: the placement of both hands in each other's back pockets. I can't imagine this being comfortable for people that aren't the same height, or walking at different paces.
These displays are clearly the only true way to prove the validity of a relationship. How will anyone know if you are in love if you are not rubbing up and down each other's thighs while sitting next to each other in class? They would never guess unless they can successfully watch your tongue enter your significant other's mouth. Lastly, if you have not chosen to hook up in the most inconvenient and unnecessary places, you have no business being a couple at all.
To the couples that I am writing about who will probably be deeply upset by this article: sorry, but please find a room (maybe the one that the school assigned you). Being in love does not excuse bad manners and disgusting behavior. Remove hand from pocket and tongue from mouth. Hold hands instead.