The party’s over, now it’s time to fix your head

Oh man. You partied too hard last night, didn't you? Your head weighs about 400 pounds and it's quite possible that someone hit you between your eyes with a hammer. Welcome to the hangover.

A definitive hangover cure is the elusive holy grail of drinkers everywhere; we're all looking for a way to imbibe alcohol without paying a price. Luckily, the morning-after headaches have been curable for as long as people have been boozing it up, and there's evidence that human society was founded on the beer that was first brewed by the ancient Sumerian empire.

The first method for most people, especially those in college, is what I call the Hydro-Advil cure. Huge amounts of water and a couple ibuprofen tablets down the hatch and hopefully you'll find some reprieve.

There actually is some scientific basis for this cure: alcohol is a diuretic, so fluid replacement is necessary. Ibuprofen as a painkiller will work well against the headache. Coupled with some good sleep, this cure will slowly but surely rid anyone of the dreaded hangover.

Another method is the metabolism boost. Greasy foods, B-complex vitamins and coffee or water all increase metabolism. Basically, increasing metabolism is like opening the floodgates and destroying the unsuspecting village in the valley below; everything gets flushed out of the system by jumpstarting the body processes. It may or may not help.

Luckily, The Atlantic has done some work in the field of hangover cures. The news magazine finds that other than time (which heals all wounds), the best fix is the hair of the dog (having a bit of alcohol the next morning). Seriously.

What happens is this: alcohol ingestion stops the production of the toxins that cause hangovers in the first place, allowing your body to deal with those that have already been produced. A traditional morning drink, like a Bloody Mary or a mimosa, will replace vitamins and fluids. Basically, having a drink or two is the best way to cure the ills of having a drink … or 12. Who would've guessed?

Each person has a different way to assuage the effects of heavy drinking, so try a different cure every time. Sooner or later, this fine art will be mastered and the hangover-free lifestyle will begin.