Minaj versus Ke$ha – who wins?

There are so many petty feuds between the music industry's rich and famous that there is barely enough space in the tabloids to divulge the intimate details of every celebrity tiff.

Pop stars are notoriously high-strung. This might have something to do with the intense pressure of having to sign autographs all the time. Given that it is in celebrities' job description to entertain us, my only real complaint is that so few of these quarrels result in any actual physical altercations. Verbal battles between stars are common, but it is rare that punches are thrown or fists even raised.

Fortunately, there is always the power of imagination – so put down your lukewarm latte for half a second and ponder this week's question: Who would win in a fight – the southern party girl who prefers whiskey to toothpaste or the foul-mouthed female from Queens who spits harder than them all?

That's right, folks, in one corner of the ring we have Ke$ha, and in the other stands Nicki Minaj, both warming up for the world's greatest hypothetical catfight. Two of the biggest and boldest personalities in the music industry, ready to battle.

By no means is the outcome clear from the start. Nicki might have a formidable crew to back her up, but the boys of Young Money wouldn't stand a chance against Ke$ha's glitter gun, not to mention the fact that the sort of girl who has the guts to break into Prince's house is more than brave enough to stand up to a life-sized Barbie doll.

It's a tough call to make, but I'm still going to have to go with Lil Wayne's protégé on this one. Sorry Ke$ha, but just because you can harass the boys and use Auto-Tune doesn't mean you can take Minaj. My girl Nicki can put the one and only Slim Shady to shame in a song; I can't imagine what would happen to you in a fight.

Wouldn't you gladly pay $20 to see that at the spring concert?