Students finance the country by buying futons

We're back! Everyone is all moved in, classes have started, friends are reunited and our bodies are beginning to once again adjust to the mean combination of little sleep and lots of CAS food.

All of these back to school shenanigans are wonderful, but they've got me thinking: What's the point of all this?

Geneseo emphasizes leadership skills, independence, discovery of new interests, exploration of diversity and even occasionally some education. The purpose of college students in society is supposedly to access information and develop skills that will make us productive contributors to the workforce in the future. But you know what? I think there's more to it than all of those buzzwords. Our purpose, as the bright, young college students we are, is to buy futons.

The realization hit me on move-in day as I watched pretty much all of Geneseo's on-campus residents unload the exact same $99 Target futon (you know which one I'm talking about) out of their cars and lug it into various suites on the north side of campus. It wasn't until my own futon had been unloaded and I watched my father compete in the fiercely competitive inter-parent game of "Who has an Allen wrench?" that I began to think of this as a chuckle-worthy economic phenomenon.

Throughout our lives we are brought up to believe that going to college will help us get a job, but in reality, it is the act of buying all of the necessary crap to furnish a dormitory room that strengthens the economy and creates jobs. For example, you can't have a futon without a rug. And if a room is legitimate enough to warrant a rug, it needs a TV. And posters. And comfy squishy chairs in various bold colors.

Oh, someone led you to believe that there was wireless Internet in all of Geneseo's residence halls? Joke! Go buy an Ethernet cord. If you give a mouse a cookie, he'll want some milk. If you give a college student some free space, he'll want cookies, milk and some unnecessary accessories.

What I'm still confused about is why we haven't received a thank you note from President Barack Obama, or at least the Geneseo Walmart, for our patriotic contributions to the American economy. I mean, it only took me a few hours to move in and in that short time I watched countless parents haul their children's financial futures up the stairs in color coded crates and under-the-bed storage bins.

The moral of the story is that I could not be happier to be back at Geneseo. Every bit of news this summer seemed to be depressing, and considering the fact that even at this moment thousands of people are living in desperation in Pakistan, we are all insanely lucky to have the opportunity to be made fun of for our tendency to shop for furniture in herds.

So go, be grateful and enjoy your super fun and economically fantastic fuchsia futon. You're welcome, America!

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