Incidental Amusements

English rock group Mungo Jerry once mused that, in the summertime, you can actually touch the sky. Granted, he also advocated drunk driving so I might take his advice with a grain of salt. I also doubt that you can actually touch the sky, but damn it, his heart was in the right place.

While it may be the start of spring, it's been feeling more and more like summer here in Geneseo. This summery weather seems to really be changing people. I've noticed a few things: more people are playing Frisbee on the fields, girls are tanning in skimpy bikinis, classes are being held on the green, girls are tanning in skimpy bikinis and girls are tanning in skimpy bikinis.

The weather has even had an effect on me. It's made me feel ... sticky. It's just one reason I hate this season. Ultraviolet rays are another. Any other time of the year, people have no way of telling whether or not I've stepped outside for three days. Now whenever my pasty butt goes outside, people try to shoot me with ectoplasm. That can hurt a guy's feelings, you know?

Probably the worst thing about summer is the existential funk it seems to put us all in. Tell me you haven't been sitting in class, looking out the window and wondering why you're bothering to sit in a little room instead of living free in the wilderness like Walden with toilet paper. Makes you question the whole established system, and that's dangerous thinking.

First you decide to study outside, next you decide to spend a day barefoot and then you're farming communal beets in 1954 Soviet Russia. Trust me, it happens.

Nice weather is threatening to tear the fabric of this campus apart. Bonding activities like huddling together for warmth are being replaced by things like tandem bike riding, which I guess isn't a solitary past time, but is totally lame. People will stop studying and start fornicating like animals everywhere, which I'm not necessarily against but they'll probably insist is rude to watch. So what can be done? Since we can't get the semester shortened, we need to re-instill that sense of faceless misery in the student body.

A one-two combination of artificial snow, wind, and me standing on a soapbox pointing out the character flaws of passers-by might just do the trick. If it doesn't, this school will go the way of San Jose State. God help us all.