Call me a mutant freak, but I hated Tobey Maguire's wishy-washy Spider-Man. Where was the dorky charm? Where was the snark? Why was my resilient web-slinger downgraded to a droopy-faced beagle with a permanent deadpan?
Then, providence! After repeated creative disagreement with studio executives (Spider-Man 3 was one big creative disagreement, if you missed the memo), Spidey director Sam Raimi walked out on Spider-Man 4, bringing Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst with him.
Because the studio execs are money grabbers - I mean, because they wanted to reach out to a younger generation - a reboot was planned mere hours after a sequel was ruled out.
The reboot is roughly based on the Ultimate Spider-Man comics by legendary scribe Brian Bendis, which follow a 15-year-old Spidey as he balances teen angst and web-slinging.
In an unconventional move, Marc Webb, the director behind (500) Days of Summer, was hired to bring some romantic charm to the Spider-Man franchise, with none other than James Cameron as his mentor.
In conclusion, huzzah! At last we can get a web-head who's just as snarky as he is in the comics! But who will be the next Peter Parker?
Shortly before the release of Percy Jackson a rumor circulated that star Logan Lerman was in talks to replace Tobey Maguire as Spider-Man.
Fresh out of another teen fantasy franchise, Lerman's not a bad candidate for the role. Plus, he has awesome hair.
Shortly after the Lerman rumor was dismissed, tabloid OK Magazine ran a story falsely claiming that High School Musical's Zac Efron had landed the role.
Before you get out the torches and pitchforks, catch Efron's hilarious 17 Again. He's got the humor to pull off Peter Parker's joke-per-second energy - an aspect that Tobey Maguire tragically lacked.
We just can't let him dance.
Last year, as an April Fool's joke, Sam Raimi said that Twilight heartthrob Robert Pattinson was the new face of Spider-Man. Raimi, this is not funny. If Sparkle-Spidey comes to fruition, I only hope the world ends in 2012 to save me from my misery.
Disney starlet Demi Lovato started a Twitter campaign to make pop culture joke Joe Jonas the next web-slinger. Dear Demi, I'm told surgery can do wonders for that brain damage.
Spider-Man's new direction has a lot of promise, but only if it gives us the Peter Parker we deserve.