Incidental Amusements

I put ridiculous things in my body. Yes, I know that we've all seen that on Chatroulette, but let's save the weekend talk for the weekend. I'm talking nutrition.

Food is fuel, food is fun and food can be a great sense of pleasure, from the cook who prepares a sumptuous meal for his closest friends to the woman who gives the zucchini at the store a second glance. Though I may understand the rules of good nutrition, I'm pretty sure they don't apply to me (this is also my murder defense).

I generally concern myself with the Geneseo food groups: the distilled group, the deep-fried group, the buffalo chicken group, the three-day-old group, the Five Second Rule group, and energy drinks. If my physiology is anything like the common hummingbird, I should have a good, steady heart rate of around 240. Thanks to switching to energy drinks from, well, all other liquids, I'm already over halfway there. My blood is moving through my veins so fast I can actually feel it.

I consider myself an energy drink connoisseur, from the sweet and playful Monster to the dry and verdant AMP and even the precocious ... um, berrytastic 5 Hour Energy. And then, when trying to get energy to write this very column, I cracked open a Sugar Free Rockstar energy drink from GUS.

Now, I've swallowed a lot of foul things in my life, sometimes for money, but I have never had an energy drink quite as bad as this one. How bad is it? Bad enough for me to decide to write an entire column based around it. So yeah, that bad. I no longer wonder what the gel inside a Dr. Scholl's pad tastes like anymore.

I mean, I drank it all, and if I'm ever in that position where it's the only energy drink available I'll drink it again. I'm weak. But it's definitely given me pause to consider why I do these things to myself. Why do I drink things I know I won't like? Why do I eat things that I know I won't be able to keep down? For that matter, as I write this, why do I attend classes I don't pay attention in? I don't know, but the fact that I haven't slept since Feb. 8 may be a factor. Maybe it's time I lay off the enerzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.