Incidental Amusements

Technology marches relentlessly onward like a glacier, or at least a drunken freshman who NEEDS some pizza. We admire it, we rely on it, and those of us smart enough bet on it (if only Michael Vick owned a few Aibos instead of Rotweilers he'd be a fantastically wealthy man instead of a fantastically wealthy ex-con).

In a world that is growing increasingly dangerous, technology proves itself time and again to be the cause of - and solution to - all of our problems.

The technology a culture creates is a very good indicator of that culture's nature. For example, a people who invent the gun before the contraceptive are either prudish or need a constantly replenishing supply of things to shoot.

When I was looking at CNN on my computer, I saw two juxtaposed headlines that told me something profound about us. Those headlines were "Missile defense test fails" and "Man develops $7000 talking sex robot." Thank God we have our priorities straight. It's one thing to say "make love, not war" and another to arrange your technological advancement to ensure it.

You'd think a sex robot wouldn't do it for most people, but you'd be surprised. I for one would love to have easier access to a harem of women with nice smiles and the dull, lifeless eyes I lust for. There's no point in creating technology nobody is going to use, after all. Even something ridiculous like the iPad has a market (stupid people obsessed with shiny things).

We should all take advantage of this amazing opportunity to experience the future while we still can, considering that both a penis and a missile are phallic and we only have the technology to handle one.