Williams: Call Paterson if you like toilet paper

Students at Geneseo are known and respected statewide for their above-average intelligence, work ethic and well-rounded perspectives. All of this is accurate, but one major adjective is missing: whiny.

As soon as word got out about Gov. David Paterson's $90 million cut to the SUNY budget, long faces and sighs of frustration were ubiquitous at Geneseo. That was puzzling. Then, even more confusing to me, the environment on campus became charged with passionate motivation and hope for reform.

Hundreds of signatures showed up on letters of protest in the union, Facebook petition groups popped up on my news feed and my fellow students seemed not only to just care about what was going on in Albany, but oppose the budget cuts enough to actually take action against them.

Why aren't we thanking Paterson? By damming the flow of money from the capitol to Geneseo, he is eliminating, or at least severely limiting our access to so many unnecessary and wasteful things in our lives.

First of all, who needs art? I mean seriously, nothing productive has ever come out of an art studio. Creativity? Squash it. Students are here to sleep, go to class and study. Expression is overrated, and I am glad that Geneseo's already floundering art program will be the first to go under the new budget.

The dining halls are a second area of waste that will undeniably benefit from a severe shortage of funds. Students don't need silverware. Not only could the school save money by not buying plastic utensils, Geneseo could probably make money by selling the metal ones we already use. We can even have a "Governor's Garage Sale!" We have two hands; why not use them to eat?

Also, all of the drinks in the dining halls come out of either a bottle or some sort of fountain. Therefore, cups are a flagrant misuse of money. By selling existing cups and drinking directly from the soda fountains, we could definitely earn a profit and consume beverages more efficiently. Finally, Geneseo needs to prohibit napkins from all of the dining halls on campus. All of this hand wiping is dumb; lick your fingers like a real man!

Speaking of superfluous paper products, the amount of money this institution spends on toilet paper is disgusting. Each bathroom has at least one roll in every stall; since when is college about luxury instead of learning? I propose a procedure for toilet paper usage similar to the existing printer balance system. If students are paying 10 cents for one square, the "air dry" method will become very appealing very quickly.

The moral of the story, Geneseo students, is that you are all a bunch of whining wimps. How dare you ask for an environment that is suitable for learning, as well as conducive to creativity and growth? What entitles you to luxury items like forks and toilet paper?

Thank you, Paterson, for intelligently deciding not to invest in some of the smartest, most motivated students in the state. It's not like the economic and social future of New York, if not the nation and world, depends on us, or anything crazy like that.u

Julie Williams is a freshman communication major who hopes someone leaves The Lamron in a bathroom stall for her.