Lombardo: Tupac never mentioned CPAC

The Conservative Political Action Conference was a bunch of fun: the right wing reveled in the sun. George Bush received piss-poor reviews. President Obama really drew the boos. The last eight years, they said, were bad. The Republican Party was hopping mad. Because it was the Democrats you see, who made conservatism flee.

But now they've got a brand new feel, led by Michael Steele. Like Obama they've promised change, but of a non-existent range. They're hip and cool, too cool for school. So cool, in fact, they will not act. They won't make a move to stop the doom. Rush Limbaugh is hoping for more gloom.

Dire straits they are predicting. Some might say they're politicking. Merely prepping for a fight, as they wait for election night. For with midterms springs hope eternal, but only in the Wall Street Journal.

So focus on the here and now, as they try with sweated brow, to plan a path that's straight and true, but never trending toward the blue. Still they cannot help but plot, for the day they get their shot. So they hold a fun straw poll, as a part of damage control. Mitt Romney gets 20 percent, which seems like GOP consent. Except this poll he's won before, and that's just it not anymore.

On Romney they'd be wise not to dwell; instead, how 'bout Bobby Jindal? He was the runner-up indeed, a rising star wanting to lead. His rebut to Obama was weak, but with time he still could peak. Voters know he ain't a wuss, because he'll skip the stimulus. Sure it offers needed cash, but to take it would be rash - since to all wide-open ears, it seems he's running in four years.

Further down the ranks get thin, as next comes Ron Paul and Sarah Palin. The maverick stands a fighting chance, but Paul just cannot advance. She's still in the GOP's heart, with a body that's off the chart. Yet there's substance behind that glare. No wait, I'm kidding, it's an empty stare.

So past them down to number five, and we shall see Newt Gingrich is still alive. He's espousing on core beliefs, but staying far from his own briefs, because on this he wouldn't dare, since he's had his own affair. Hypocrisy he does wear well, while condemning gays to hell.

But the new right ain't abusive - in fact it's even more inclusive. Minorities should join the fight, for the new refashioned right.

How is it different, do you ask? Well frankly it was such a task, that the journey's just begun, and still most people do they shun. But with time they're sure to alter, the policies that make them falter, because if Republicans don't change their way, then Democrats will rule the day. And of the things they're sure to hate, more than changing the tax rate, it's boys in blue on the hill, plotting the course of every bill.

So "adapt to win" will be their cry, as they fight until they die. First they'll moderate their ways, as they enter a new phase, in which they recognize their flaw - it's that they didn't trust Limbaugh. So run to the far right they will. Ronald Reagan's legacy they'll fulfill. If that means a new cold war, you know they'll only love the gore, and while Obama had his day, now he is the right wing's prey.

Dave Lombardo is a senior poli-sci major and this is his magnum opus.