Actively seeking a relationship the wrong approach to love

Here's a simple truth: Going out, meeting people, and living life with the goals of finding a relationship is exactly what prevents you from having one. On the other hand, if you live your life for your personal enjoyment, you will find more opportunities than you can manage.

Relationship hunters are as obvious as deer hunters lumbering around with rifles and bright vests. They are recognizable in any context, from a fair distance, before they even open their mouths. They hover and lean, with stiff shoulders, tense jaws, and flailing hands. They struggle to make eye contact and then dart their eyes away when they do. Shielding their personalities, they delve in stilted small-talk or boasting - the orange vests and camouflage.

Incapable of interacting as they would with friends, they fire away pick-up lines or compliments - the one word from which all deer run. Male-hunters will ignore their best friends while they talk to a girl they've never met. Female-hunters won't blink when they talk to guys. All this simply results in is a fake phone number, a new "just-a-friend," or perhaps just the empty realization that they have gone to exhaustive lengths to trade their self-respect for a bit of attention from the opposite sex.

There is a better way. There's a way of sparking attraction and chemistry that is healthier, more fulfilling, and simply more efficient. You can go out hunting for relationships, thus centering your life around someone that will run for the hills as soon as he or she figure you out. Or you can go fishing, simply enjoying life as it comes and welcoming any good catch that comes along. Fishing is making your single life so good that the relationships you desire come to you.

Instead of approaching the guy or girl across the room, be approachable. Instead of chasing your desires, be desirable. Instead of orbiting your crush like a planet, be the star.

The mentality of a fisherman is the perfect mentality for dating: how many fish reject him before he catches one? How many fish does he catch before he finds a really good one? When he hooks a bad catch, is he willing to throw it back without feelings of guilt, loss, or fear that he'll never catch another? When he makes a good catch, does he go home? If he goes home without any fish at all, does he regret the trip? To most fisherman, finding a catch is second to having a good time with his buddies, sitting at the water's edge and telling funny stories.

If you're looking to find a good relationship (or date, or hook-up, or friend), I encourage you to do so. But don't chase the girl at the other end of the room and be surprised when she runs. Don't look into the boy's eyes, sizing him up by way of marriage material, and be surprised he "has a girlfriend." Don't use excessive make-up or pick-up lines or plastered smiles or bragging. Your looks and your resume mean nothing if they are delivered in the context of neediness and approval-seeking. Consider who you are repelled from at a social gathering, and you will find those who you feel have a hidden agenda. Consider who you naturally gravitate toward. It is likely the individual or group with the highest energy and the least care.

Attraction is not about manipulating another person to want you. Real attraction is created when you simply are what another person wants. If you're looking to find a good relationship, cast out your line and hang back. Enjoy your life the way you want to enjoy it, and you will naturally attract exactly the kind of person you are looking for.